Open apology to my “friends”.

I’m sorry. But we cannot be friends anymore.

I don’t even know why am I apologizing for. Maybe it is because I did feel that we were friends, but the truth is that if you are not going to be able and handle me at what I feel is one of the hardest times of my life. Please be welcome to leave. For the next years I’m going to be wining a lot about how my life is, especially my work because it’s all I do. I’m sorry if I don’t want to hang out or spend my money on expensive espressos or gin and tonics. I just can’t afford it. I am working what it seems to be 24/7 and sometimes I do want to just scape and run away and scream at the top of the hill, but after 5 minutes I want to go back and do what I am doing.

What… am… I…. doing?

Funny you asked, because sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing. At the moment I’m running a business. It is not my business, but is a family business, if you happen to be or have been in a family business then you know. You know how hard is it to have the person who gave you life as a boss. I cannot hate him or rant about him because he might be right. Or he might be wrong but he provided for me my whole life so there’s this feeling of debt.

I do like what I am doing, but it is just so frustrating to have all this responsibilities with all this peer pressure about what are you doing with your life, with business with your legacy. Trust me, being an adult may come easy for you now that you have graduated (if you did), but until you start paying your bills, paying the roof over your head or deciding weather to spend that money out or in the food for the next week, making decisions that might affect not only your income but several other people’s, you have no idea what being an adult is.

And neither do I, to be honest it is all so confusing and frustrating. All I know is that I’m closer to achieving my goals, even if I’m complaining all the time about how stressed I am and how much I “hate” work. I don’t hate work. We just live in a world where all you see is millionaire people spending all their money in travel, food or gadgets. But where does that money come from? Fame? Inheritance? Luck? Stupidity? If we are not in the list above then it means we are frustrated because we are not “lucky” to be rich and famous or just rich. Meaning we need to work if we want to have a life that our parents have accustomed us.

I’m sorry friend for I have failed you. I will ruin our friendship this years until I feel like I can stand on my own the way I want to.

Don’t ask me why am I working so hard, just encourage me tell me to hold on and be better.  Do not criticize me because I can’t and don’t want to party every week o weekend. Or if I forget your birthday because I was not paying attention, or I do not reply your text message. I am tried and this new part of my life is just exhausting.

This years I’m going to suck at being a friend because I will put work first. Work and myself.

But it is what it is, my dream. My frustrating, exhausting, I want to die dream.

However if you de accept this, I’m sure once I have it all figured it out we will enjoy together a coffee, a concert, a drink, a party and a trip. That is if you are not a little self-interested bitch.

Peace out.

M

2 Comments

  1. I get it and it’s ok.

    I’m in the middle of hitting rock bottom and tryna feel good about it (kinda stupid, I know). Of course being surrounded by fast goal-achievers is not making it easy but let me te you one thing: “There’s always time for everything.”

    We’re all enjoying life at a different pace and sometimes it is ok to just go grab a cup of coffee as well as feeling like staying home. One of the other, I’m always open to talk about how beautiful life is.

    Take care,

    – that industrial designer friend from highschool with the camera.

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